Teaching Gratitude

So, I don't do this often, but for those of you who don't know, I write a mom's column for the Arizona Republic Gilbert section once a week. I love it, and this was the article from last week. I'm not sharing it to share my writing, but the lady I interviewed was incredible and had great ideas for teaching children gratitude.

Brooke Romney Special to the RepublicNov. 14, 2007 11:19 AM

"I don't mind doing so many things for my kids, I just wish they would be grateful for it," is a refrain Keri Maughan, a Southeast Valley mother and family life coach, hears often. In a society with so much plenty, it's difficult to teach gratitude to children. "Today parents provide for children's wants without requiring them to work for them," Maughan said. "And I'm not talking needs. When kids don't invest in what they have, they don't apply a value to it, and if something doesn't have value, it's impossible to be grateful for it."

She advises parents to have children work for most of their wants, and then when something is given to them, they appreciate it. If parents always provide everything, then children will always feel entitled.Another man Maughan was advising was having a difficult time with his children, but after he started modeling and being an example of gratitude, things changed in his home."When kids are young we teach them 'please' and 'thank you,' but by 5, we rarely say those words to them," Maughan said. "If you want your child to express appreciation to you, you need to express the same to them."

Maughan suggests a daily exercise of having every family member tell one thing they were grateful for that day. By giving thanks together, family members have a more optimistic attitude and feel closer to one another, she said."I would also suggest that each family find a way to serve together at least once a month," Maughan said. "Make sure it is service where they receive no direct benefit. When children serve, it gives them perspective and has been proven to wire their brain for altruism."

It is extremely important when serving with your family that you make it personal," she continued. "When we do a sub for Santa or pick a name from the angel tree, we gather as a family and give that person or family a name. We describe what they look like, what they like doing, and then we shop. It makes our service so much more meaningful when it is for an actual person, even if just imagined, then when it is just spending money on someone we don't know."

Maughan also suggests this same technique when teaching young children to serve. Even very little kids can help pick up trash at the neighborhood park, and as the child puts the litter in the bag, talk about who you are picking it up for, such as "The older man across the street, the lady who just had a new baby.""Doing these things with your children helps to hold the tide of entitlement," Maughan said.

But, all the well-intentioned exercises can go completely unabsorbed if the parents are not truly service oriented. "Kids can detect a 'teaching moment' better than we think, and it can be a turn-off," Maughan said. "Children need to see their parents happily serving on a regular basis."An attitude of gratitude has to start from the head down. You can't fake it; it has to be real. If your heart is right, your children will know and follow it." Keri Maughan can be reached at www.keriparentcoach.com.