Share, share alike

(Bear with me during some of these posts. With the approach of a new baby, I'm trying to document some of the strategies that have worked for us, so far. Hopefully, I can continue some of the good things and discard the bad.)

Selfishness is one of my least favorite vices. Stuff is just stuff. Things are just things. I remember reading in Randy Pauch's, Last Lecture that he never wanted the people he loved to ever think that things mattered more than people. I wholeheartedly agree.

So, after I had two boys who wanted the same things very often and who often laid claim to ownership, I realized that I hated spending every mothering moment deciding on who owned what. It drove me crazy. So, we instituted a rule in our house: On Christmas and on your birthday, YOU own your items. You can decide if you want them the entire day or want to let others play, but everyone has a birthday and everyone gets new stuff for Christmas (and everyone remembers how you acted). Every other day, the toys or other items belong to our family as a whole and anyone is allowed to play with them, as long as they are respectful, and we switch off reasonably (with a timer when they were little, now they get it without a lot of monitoring).

For the most part, it's worked amazingly well for lots of years, especially since we have 3 boys all so close. I spend very little time regulating and I really like the way my boys, usually, kindly allow their brothers, friends and neighbors to use their stuff and feel comfortable sharing what they have. There are a few exceptions to the rule...bikes are the owners (espeically since everyone has one) and if everyone has something new that is the same and you loose or ruin yours, you're kind of out of luck for a bit.

For us, it's led to a pretty harmonious home regarding toys and other things and this feeling has extended to a more general attitude in life...my boys pretty much know the expectation is to share, even treats after sports games or bites of ice cream with their mom. That's just how we roll.

There are some drawbacks...there is less sense of ownership, so sometimes things aren't taken care of as well as I'd like, once in awhile it may be better not to share (food allergies, etc.) so we have to be careful, and they often assume everyone is as happy to share as they are and that is not always the case, so we have to talk about boundaries and respecting other peoples' stuff, but I feel like, for the most part it has worked really well for our family, especially with 3 so close.

Now, with this new little one, we'll see how it goes. Five years is a big age difference, but I'm hoping to somehow still create that same attitude in him!

The rest of a great visit

Oh, how I love having my parents in town! For some reason, it was especially fun this time. Have I ever said how much I love, adore and appreciate them? Probably only everytime they come to town. There were so many fantastic, uncaptured moments, but here is a little snapshot of what we were up to:

Baseball
Both my parents were so happy to be able to see a few games and the boys were so happy to be able to show off. My parents love watching the little guys play sports.

Best sports ever! Mitch and Kelly are so good to my kids.



Cub Scouts

There is an area by our house in the common area that is getting worked on, so there is caution tape to try and keep the kids out of the area. When Jace arrived home from cub scouts one night, he stepped in the dirt, and I reminded him not to. Then, my mom said, "That's not what a good cub scout would do."

So, Jace proceeds to say that he is going to be an example of a good cub scout and do a "good turn." He goes inside and gets tape and fixes all the caution tape that kids have torn down and ties and tapes it back to the posts...all the while telling my mom, "I just don't understand why parents don't watch their kids around here and tell them not to take the tape down or walk in this area. I mean, it's just not that hard to watch your kids." (Please keep in mind what he was doing just 5 minutes earlier).

Then, he comes inside and says to me, "Mom, grandma just paid me the nicest compliment. She said, 'If all the cub scouts in the world were just like you, the world would be a better place. I told her, 'You are exactly right.'"

Life is never dull with Jace!

A Lost Tooth

Parker has been wiggling his front tooth forever, and it finally came out! The he lost it again in the car, so he had to write a note to the tooth fairy. Luckily, she still came through!

Mitch's Law School Graduation

Technically, the whole reason they came to visit was for Mitch's law school graduation from Michigan State University. I was so glad to be there! We are all so proud of him.

This was his sorry attempt at a jumping photo. I'm sure he'll be glad he at least did a fist pump.

Jace's Art Show
My parents really hit the timing jackpot and got to see a piece of Jace's artwork displayed in the University of Michigan Art Show. It was really cool to see his name up there along with lots of other kids from around the city. It was a big honor!

The masterpiece

Mitch and Kelly being super fun again

We especially liked this outdoor art

Marathon of Fun

On Saturday we had a marathon day of fun...outside play, bagels, art show, then the boys went to a movie while the girls shopped for a minute, then miniature golfing and out to dinner. Whew! It was a blast and we are so grateful that my parents could be here and keep us company and provide endless hours of entertainment for our kids.

In fact, my kids are pretty sure that they would like to have their grandparents as parents..."they always say, yes!"  or "Grammy said" or "Just let Grandma be the boss" were a few of the new mantras around here. Sadly enough, they are all true and it's  super fun when they come to visit. I'm a little worried about coming down off such a fun week. We were also so glad to have Mitch and Kelly with us almost the whole time. They are the greastest, most fun, patient and loving aunt and uncle. We wish they weren't moving!

Our Trip to Holland

Holland, Michigan that is. The first day my mom was here, we decided to be adventurous and head 2 1/2 hours to Holland, Michigan for the Tulip Festival. I'd heard it was something you had to do at least once while you were here.

We spent most the day at Dutch Village and the kids had an amazing time. When we got there, I thought we'd be lucky to spent one hour there, but my boys loved it and we stayed for 4 hours. I'm always pleasantly surprised when it takes very little for my kids to be amused and have fun.  There is a major overload of pictures on this post, but they were so cute, I couldn't resist!!

There were beautiful flowers everywhere

Major attraction: the pretend horse drawn carriages

How appropriate that their national bird is the Stork!

My belly at 20 weeks

fun shoes

James kept his on forever!

These were the elderly Dutch dancers. My boys were NOT impressed.

But they did love these swings

And the petting zoo

They also loved these baby ducks in the pond

The carousel was slow but fun

and Grandma was super fun!

We had a little family race in these wooden skiis before we left!

After the village, we drove to downtown Holland to explore the tulips and finished just in time for the rain to start. It was a GREAT day!



And we ended the day wrestling in the grass...perfect!