Positive Parenting

This week I wrote an article about positive parenting. I really liked what Rose Day told me and have tried to incorporate as much as I can into my own parenting. Has anyone else tried this? What have your results been?


Positive parenting rewarding but requires thought
by Brooke Romney - Sept. 30, 2008 11:36 AMSpecial to the Republic

What would your perfect family look like, sound like, act like?
Eight years ago, Brig and Rose Day, Gilbert parents of six, were unsatisfied with the way their family was treating one another. They decided to completely overhaul their punitive parenting strategy and try positive parenting.
Together, they created a family vision with high standards.

"Our vision for our family is to have a peaceful home in which we all take care of one another and are kind and respectful to each other. A family where we always try to do what is right because it is the right thing to do, regardless of whom is around.
"Our goal is lofty, but I don't beat myself up when it doesn't happen-all we can do is give it our best effort."
Rose Day emphasizes that it is very important that the parents believe in and live the same vision. This means that in their peaceful home, both parents do their best not to yell, argue, hit, scold, or demean one another or the children. They share their vision often to keep the whole family on track and often sees the fruit of her consistent, hard work.
"One morning I made muffins. One of my children wanted to "call" the one she wanted," Day recalled.
"I told her, 'In our family we don't "call" things.' When she asked why, I replied, 'Because it is selfish. I want a family where, when we sit down to breakfast you will turn to your brother and ask 'Ethan, which one would you like?" and then he will do the same for you.'
"To my surprise, her brother turned to her and did just that! I thought they would roll their eyes at me because it was pretty idealistic."
After you have established a family vision, you then need tools that work with your vision.
"For us, it meant throwing out almost everything we were used to doing," Day said.
"We try to stay away punishments and rewards. Rewards foster a 'What's in it for me?' attitude and punishments lose their scare factor and often times don't make sense.
"Both these types of discipline are external and don't foster an internal desire to make good choices."
This doesn't mean life in the Day home is a free for all; in fact, it's quite the opposite. They are dedicated to providing natural consequences for misbehavior and always explain what they are doing and why.
"If a child won't control his body (hitting or running away), Mom has to help them and he gets to sit on my lap," Day said.
"If a child won't flush the toilet, they clean any toilet that is un-flushed. I very rarely walk in on an un-flushed toilet anymore.
"If one of the children hurts another, the offender must do something kind for the one hurt and give an apology.
"When my children whine, I tell them I can't hear whining and won't listen until they stop."
Adopting a family vision and sticking to it is not easy. In the Days' case, it has taken lots of hours or work and thought on the part of both parents, but they love the added amount of peace and love they've felt in their home.
"I always try to be proactive and thoughtful with my words and actions and notice the good in my kids," Day said. "Are our days ever perfect or extremely harmonious? No, but we're trying."